24. Light in the Dark: Bridging Shadow, Systems, and Collective Healing with Christine Zaroura

What does it really mean to do shadow work in a world that feels like it’s on fire? In this episode, I sit down with Christine Zaroura to explore what happens when we stop running from the dark and start listening to it.

Christine shares her story of grief, spiritual awakening, and what she calls becoming a “bridge builder” — someone who can feel the darkness, name the systems that keep us small, and still choose to live rooted in the dark, shining in the light. We explore how personal healing, nervous system awareness, and deconditioning from capitalism, patriarchy, and colonialism all intersect on the path to purpose.

This conversation is for you if you’ve felt lost, disconnected from yourself, or like you’re carrying a call you can’t quite name yet — and you’re ready to turn toward your own shadows instead of away from them.

In this episode, we explore:

• Christine’s 10-year journey from grief, despair, and existential dread to awe, presence, and purpose
• What it feels like to sit on the floor in the “dark night of the soul” and realize, this is where so many people stay
• How to understand shadow work as a pathway to liberation, not self-punishment
• The role of systems (patriarchy, capitalism, colonialism, white supremacy) in keeping us exhausted, disconnected, and afraid to question the script
• Why naming these systems is part of healing, not “being negative”
• The tension between survival, nervous system protection, and the desire to live a more soul-aligned life
• What it means to be a bridge builder: holding both the heaviness of the world and the possibility of something new
• The difference between the real self and the idealized self, and how dissonance between the two shows up as stress, anxiety, and dysregulation
• How to turn toward fear and shame instead of bypassing them – and why that choice is often the turning point
• Practical ideas for using this time of year (end of year, winter solstice energy) to reflect, integrate, and “clean up” your inner world through ritual and intention

You’ll hear us talk about spiritual awakening, nervous system regulation, non-duality, sacred rage, and the messy, human process of deconditioning. At its core, this episode is an invitation: to listen for the call, to become intimate with your own shadows, and to remember that your personal healing is part of a much bigger wave of collective healing and consciousness shift.

Connect with Christine: 

• Instagram: @mysticchristine
• Substack: https://christinezaroura.substack.com/

If this episode spoke to you, it would mean the world if you took a moment to leave a review or share it with a friend who needs it. And make sure you hit follow so you never miss an episode of The Becoming You Project.

You can connect with me on Instagram @jesscallahan_, join my Substack community at becomingyouproject.substack.com, or explore more of my work at jesscallahan.com.

My Back in the Body Nervous System Healing course is now available! Find it here.

Thanks for listening — I’m so grateful you’re here.

Transcript

Speaker: 0:00

Christine, I'm so excited to finally be connecting. I feel like this conversation, um, well, we've had many conversations over the months, but I feel like this one has just been like a long time in the making, and I'm excited to sit here with coffee with you. I have my um, I actually made tea this morning. Um, so anyway, I want to just start off by turning it over to you. I would love for you to just kind of give us an idea of um who you are and how you got here, and we'll just go from there.

Speaker 2: 0:34

You know, I knew you were gonna begin there. And then when I go to sit and be like, well, what what can I say right now that'll in a way solidify or distill this 10-year journey I've been on? And I could probably share the beginning of that, but instead I'll share like something that came to me the other day. I was reflecting on, you know, how like when people go on vacation, and while they're on vacation, they have this like underlying dread of having to go back home. And so, and it's true, like a lot of people are like, Oh, I have to go back, but they're also simultaneously like really enjoying themselves, but like afraid to fully lean into that enjoyment. I felt like that's similar to what it's like living on Earth, where like the other day I was walking Charlie, and we just got all the snow, and I was looking around. I'm like, this place is awesome, like, there's so much going on. And then it just reminded me of like, and some of us kind of like are experiencing the existential dread with everything going on in the world, and feeling like we're trying to just manage our time in a way that gives us some spaciousness to actually enjoy moments, just being in nature doesn't even have to be like the fruits of our labor, you know, it doesn't have to be the material things, but the the the essence of innately being as we are on this floating rock in space is so fascinating to me. And so when I say what is my story, I am someone who's consistently fascinated by being alive, and that came from deep roots of unfulfillment and despair and grief. This was 10 years ago. I had like, I'll just give you a little like image of me sitting on the floor, not to be so dramatic, in my two-bedroom, very small two-bedroom apartment in New York. And I had lost my dad about a month before that, and two months before his passing, he I lost him to stage four cancer, which I didn't know about. So I found out my dad had cancer a month later, found out he had stage four cancer, then he passed. So it was a very accelerated process of grieving. And before that, I had a you know a relationship that fell through and he had moved out of the apartment. So here I was in this apartment by myself, sitting with that amount of grief and despair. And yeah, I always had this sense of underlying hope in me that never dies, and this perspective on always see seeing the like the silver lining of life, and I sat there in myself loathing, but but necessary, right? It's like I've just been through a shitstorm of things happening that pulled me apart. And here I was with all these pieces, looking around, looking at the picture of myself and being like, I don't really know who I am and I don't really know what I want. And in that moment, like swirling, right? Swirling within that grief in the on the floor of my bedroom apartment again, not to be so dramatic, noticing, looking around, pictures of me and this apartment that I've cultivated, yet having absolutely no connection to it necessarily. And a voice came to me and said, This is where so many people are. And then I thought, oh, and this is where so many people stay. And every time I tell that story, I get emotional. And so I sat on a quest to find out what the F this is, to understand the darkness, because that's what it was for me for a really long time. Understand what it is, make my way through. And if I make my way through, I will spend the rest of my life holding the hands of others, working through their own stuff. Wow. Yes, it was a cool, yeah, yeah, it it is, it is because 10 years later I'm walking my dog and being like, wow, this stuff is amazing. Um, and so I come from a very deep-rooted place and understanding parts of ourselves that are afraid of changing, are parts of ourselves that are afraid of letting go of who we needed to become in order to find some sense of safety in the world. My journey has definitely evolved over 10 years. Like the darkness, now I see the darkness not as grief and despair, but also the space where we reunite with parts of ourselves that are ready to come online and share with the world. And I think that's where we are in this point in time in life is like more of us are being called to show up, right? And the and the wholeness of who we are and and generously give that back in any way, shape, or form.

Speaker: 5:45

Yeah. I love that's it's beautiful. I see that, I think, as like this idea of like when we pass our healing forward, you know, for those of us who have been able to like find that healing, find those deeper parts of ourselves, like the ribble effect can be so powerful when we do generously share those parts of us. You know, it's um it's like this whole collective healing, I think that we're we're seeing, you know, maybe it's not the beginning of, but um, I think a lot of us who live in this space are feeling it right now. You've so I was um, I'm always reading your work because I love following you on Substack. But one of the things that you said that you wrote about recently is being a bridge builder. And I'm hearing that a little bit in what you're talking about, like this whole idea of um like alchemizing darkness into light, but also the necessity of having to sort of like live in both of those worlds, right? Where there is so much heaviness in the world right now, but there's also so much good. And I was wondering if you could just talk a little bit more about that.

Speaker 2: 7:06

It's it's kind of like non-dualism, right? It's like the the ability to hold space for two truths. I am first generation American, my parents are from the Middle East, and I was just leaving a voice message to my friend last night talking about how survival for me is life, like when I think survival, I think life-threatening. Like my family had to come here to find some sense of safety. And they took leaps of faith to get here, and so me today, I feel like it's a privilege for me to be able to sit here in the safety of my own home and and create a podcast with you and talk about the nature of reality when the reality of my lineage has been rooted in trying to survive. And so when I think bridge builder, many things come to mind. And hearing you say that in this moment, it's it's more so how can we honor all that has led us to this point in time as the catalyst for what we're here to do and how we desire to do it.

Speaker: 8:15

I have this um regression, past life regression recently. It's a field that I've been working in, and I had this idea of being a bridge builder, sort of um come. It was one of the lessons that I took from from that regression, and it was just all about like feeling the darkness, being one of the people that can feel it, and like almost like this visual of just like having my like back to the darkness, right? And then like um like being the person that can like yeah, create that path forward for others, and it's a it's a hard place to be. It's like when you when you do have a foot in both worlds, how do you protect your own self? Like, how do you not get just like sucked into the darkness? That's such a valid question.

Speaker 2: 9:10

Yeah, I say I'm a modern-day mystic motivated by nihilism, you know. So I I break that down for us, yeah. Yeah, nihilism is what's the point of all of this? And I dance with with it. I dance with the darkness, I dance with moments where so many many of us are like it's difficult, like look out into the world. There's so many reasons why we should feel held down and held hostage by fear. Um, I mean, do we need to mention the specificity is like no matter where we are with in this on this planet right now, we are witnessing the dysfunction at large, a dysfunction of the darkness not being seen. And so when I think about the darkness, I'm also thinking about how willing are you to bring to light light to the darkness? And how willing are you to stay rooted in the dark when you are showing up in your light? You know, yeah.

Speaker: 10:06

How do you think, like, how do you think that that plays out in spaces like when okay, so follow me on this, and you may or may not be able to answer this? I'm trying to like put into words the question that's coming to my mind, but like if somebody's not staying rooted in the darkness in order to like be the light, find the light, shine the light, right? Like, how does that look? Like, is it like like would you call it like bypassing? Like, how would you describe that?

Speaker 2: 10:40

Okay. Um, all right, so let's get more practical and and yeah, like in time. Here we are. I am a human, I live in this house. Um, and I've been on my journey of living with purpose while I'm staying rude in the dark and showing up in my light. That looks like when I'm moving through, let's see, let's see. Let me think of an example. Um I think right now, one of the ways it's showing up for me is being able to express my anger and they would say sacred rage, like in the spiritual communities. It's like talking about sacred rage. And as like, and so when I sit with my anger, I'm actually frustrated with how easy it is to stay in apathy and to stay in not moving and and and feeling so bogged down by what uh I'm just gonna lean into the anger here and say, like, this is me showing up authentically, is saying, like, if we're feeling like we're held down and not taking action, now I'm not speaking to the people that I'm here. Like, I feel like I'm building a community, even myself, like finding like-minded people and kind-hearted people who are here showing up in their light. So I'm like, in a sense, like when I say this, I'm speaking for us who are feeling called to the front lines of change. It's so difficult to see how these systems, capitalism, colonialism, patriarchy, make it so difficult for people to reunite with the aspects of themselves here to come online and make change. It's it's just like I look out and I'm like, it's so dysfunctional. I mean, people barely have time to take a moment to breathe. And then we're we're forcing time management down their throats as if that's going to solve something. Or people are asking, like, I need more time. There is like we have 24 hours in a day, but it's these systems that we have to exchange our time for money in order to meet our basic living expenses. And then we're like, how do we navigate this when our resources are so limiting? And when I sit with that, I'm like, well, it's our perception. How are we, how are we moving within the things that we're doing? I I work two jobs, two to three jobs in my 20s into like into my 30s. I'm in my late 30s now, but like beginning of my 30s basically. Um, and I noticed that like moments where I'm on like the R train in Brooklyn going to going to work, I would take this moment, although I'm I'm going to work, I'm commuting, there's so much going on. I'd actually just take a moment just to be in my body and just take in the world around me. I think that perspective of presence and just being in this. That's the theme. Like when I come to sit with you today, I feel like the theme is how can we just be in this? Um, and how that shows up practically practically is deep breath. I look into the eyes of another person. I strike up a conversation, not something that's force, like forced or anything, but like something that just feels like organic, right? Like, oh, I've never seen a color of like I never seen a bag in that color before. Like something that also breaks people out of the matrix that is rooted in capitalism and having to hustle and produce and make things happen. Um, so how does that come back to light in the dark? Is like I'm witnessing how easy it is to get consumed by the dysfunction. And I do my best to be like, I see you and I hold grace that you aren't the problem. Like you're doing your best. We are all doing our fucking best. And I think it's that grace that alleviates the tentacles that is dysfunction getting in the way of receptivity to identify what is this next aligned action I can take that lights me up.

unknown: 14:56

Yeah.

Speaker: 14:56

Oh my gosh. So, so much of what you just said, like the I think um I see darkness in a way that's like the systems that you named are are keeping us, I say us loosely, those, you know, those of us who have not deconditioned the mind. But there's still like, you know, there's the traps. I'm still peeling back layers every day because it runs really deep. But like even just like the willingness to say words like patriarchy. Like one of the articles I wrote on Substack was called the pea bad word because it was like tongue in cheek just about how like people can't hear the word patriarchy without like running screaming. You know, it's like you shut down, you hear the word, and it's like whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, that got too deep. But like those are the systems, those are the the systems, um, you know, patriarchy, capitalism, colonialism, white supremacy, like all of those systems are the systems that keep us small and exhausted and living in this place of uh dysfunction and cruelty, and like there's just so many, you know, that that's the darkness, right? Like it's like that, and but like to be able to like say for myself, like I'm not going to let those systems keep me small. Like I myself am breaking free from them. I'm I'm redefining what success means outside of like toxic productivity culture. But then, like you said, having grace for others and knowing like not everyone is able to name the systems yet. Not everyone is able to see how they live within them. And so yeah, having that the grace is really important to be like it, it's not your fault. Like it's really hard to tune inward and start to just like peel those layers back and reclaim life as yours. Yeah. But I think that's the thread that I see in people who are healed, or like the people I follow, and I'm like, wow, what you're doing is magnetic, or I can see how much it lights you up. I can see like how I just I can feel your love for what you're doing through just like you know, your your aura, like what you're emanating outwards. I think that one of the the most common threads of like between those people is that like deconditioning, deconstructing, sort of sitting with that darkness, naming it, but then being able to like see the light on the other side. Does that make sense? Yeah, yeah, like like there's gotta be a way out.

Speaker 2: 17:42

There's I mean, like out meaning, there's gotta be a way we rewrite this because we say system. What is a system? It's a set of guidelines, a set of rules, and those rules were were are, let's just say, I don't know what I'm not gonna go back in history and say when would they were built, but they are in this point in time, based on our evolution, is limiting point blank. So, how do you change a system? Well, how do I change any system? Like in my house, when I have to like make an order for Chewy, I create a better system where there's a subscription and Charlie gets his food every month. And it's also when I think about it, it's like it's the micro moments in life to decondition. Like an example is I was on the phone with uh Geico. They use travelers for home insurance, and I've been back and forth with them because I get to get an inspection and they had to like they mentioned some things in the house that has to be fixed. And they mentioned we have this little, really, really cute uh guest house on on the land. Um, but it's absolutely no plumbing, no, no electricity. There's nothing in it, it's unlivable. And the siding is a bit warped, and so they want that fixed. And I was like, what are you insuring? There's nothing in there, like maybe an animal lives there, like no one is unlivable. What are you insuring? And so on the phone with her, she's like, and she's like talking so proper and like she's doing her thing, right? She's she's a cog in a system, and and not to to to minimize her identity or her as an individual, but the way she's operating is this is how she's taught to operate. And I go to her, Mia, I'm like, human to human, what are you insuring? What is being insured, you know? So I came at it laughing. Like, what are we doing here? And so I think a part of deconditioning for me is is having risk, I have like a responsibility that when I'm showing up in the world, I'm I'm rooting us back into our humanity and helping people see you don't have to play that role anymore. You don't, you don't have to. You can still do the things, but we can take those those subtle moments in time to to yeah, to decondition. Decondition.

Speaker: 19:49

See things like a little bit differently, right? Small shifts that help you make choices for yourself and in your own world that are aligned within. You, not like the script that somebody gave you, right? Like the map that we're supposed to follow.

Speaker 2: 20:06

Right. So let's get even like when I said in the beginning, I was saying like parts of parts of ourselves and reuniting with parts of ourselves within the darkness. I'm Middle Eastern. I didn't have a curfew growing up. Not because I didn't have a curfew, but because I wasn't allowed really anywhere. And I remember sitting at the front of my house in Brooklyn. Um, me and my best friend would sit at the front, like in like the little porch room. It was closed off, and the girl across the street was going out to Third Avenue. It's like a lot of people go, and we'd watch her leave and we'd watch her come back. And so I came from an upbringing that I had to sit a certain way, I had to talk a certain way, I had to be a certain way. And so deconditioning for me looked like, wow, why why do I have to sh, why do I have to present myself in this way? It feels constricting, it feels limiting, it feels like I'm tethered to a leash. And so, how do we decondition? We start to listen to our intuition, right? Like we start to lean into our inner guidance system. I remember because the journey of awakening for me wasn't unplugged. It was like I'm unplugged. What the fuck is this? Like that was my experience of it. And I didn't know what a spiritual awakening was at the time until later on I found out about the dark night of the soul. And then I started to feel called to speak to this because it was it was a journey for me of embodiment because I didn't have much resources to kind of pull from. And so the deconditioning, one of the ways I deconditioned was listening to my intuition. So in moments I'd be experiencing something, like, say, for example, now it's like the holidays. So I stopped going, really attending holiday get-togethers in my family. I love my family. There are parts of my culture that I'm very much here for, especially on mom's side. They're very cool, like very grounded, very American, using that in quotations. If you're an immigrant, you know what that means. Um and so in the beginning, I would go, but I felt so disconnected. And so, in that, in those environments, I would lean into myself as like, where am I feeling this tension? I was really doing this. Where do I feel this tension? Why do I feel this way? And I would unpack it. So I began journaling and writing, which I've always loved writing as a kid. But another way to decondition is how can I create space between who I am as awareness, right? We use that a lot in spiritual context, like, what really is that? Um, we can get go there another day, maybe. But who I am as awareness and creating space between my thoughts, my emotions, and my body. And I think it's that space, the grace, right? When I'm out in public, when I'm on the artery and I'm mentioning someone's bag, it's creating that space to allow grace to do its magic. I feel like love and grace, it's just as long as we can create space and some stillness and some presence, there is something, divine intelligence, working through us. And in a world very hung up on AI, which we which we should be. It's it's right to be, you know, fearing that AI is going to take over our jobs and all the things. Outsourcing our writing, outsourcing our critical thinking. Yes, let's talk about it. And also talking about the non-duality. Let's talk about our connection with divine intelligence. Let's talk about the fact that we are on a rock in floating space, and I don't have to do anything to keep this body. I mean, like I have to eat and I have to have shelter and all the things, but this is working automatically. Like what? This is an incredible mechanism.

Speaker: 23:28

So, okay, you named there's a couple of things that you named that I thought were really, really important. Um, this whole idea of like awareness. I know that's like sort of a next level thing. In my psychology classes, um, they call it like a ton of different things. And it's not as like spiritually rooted, but there's this idea of like the real self and the idealized self, and where the idealized self is the self you think you should be based on your view of like society and culture and how people are functioning around you. So like achievement through job titles and financial gain and status symbols could be part of that. And then you have the real self, which could you could weave awareness through that, like just that like deep core part of you. And it's like this idea that when there's dissonance between the two, that's when you're living, um, that's when you're you're having those moments of tension and stress and dysregulation. And so um what I heard from you is the moment that you feel that inner tension, that's sort of like the moment that says, tune in here, like don't bypass that. Like this is this is the moment that you've got to work with. Like journal, you mentioned, um, there's you know, you could meditate, yoga flow, like go for a walk in nature, how however you're clearing your mind, creating space while I guess maybe it'd be like the opposite, like actively working through it through journaling, right? Like um thinking about it and then creating space for the rest of it to sort of integrate. That's like, I think our processes, if I'm interpreting what you're saying right, sort of mirror each other. Would you say that that's sort of like an accurate reflection of like what that would look like to um to like go inward and and start to deconstruct some of those things?

Speaker 2: 25:20

Yeah, like mirroring it. So like creating the space would be a reflective, it would be reflective, it would be mirroring, like even like if we sit that with that for just a moment, right? Like the idea of mirroring or reflection is understanding that the nature of reality is points to light and sound. Like I think about right, the light of consciousness. When we think about awareness, when I think about awareness, I think about light of consciousness. What am I shining light on? And when you shine light on something, that mirror, that reflection bounces off other parts of the same whole. And so even like if I think about internally, I'm thinking about how does this emotion, how is this emotion being experienced within my within my body? Even like clearing my mind also is not rather clearing my mind looks like creating distance between who I am and and the thoughts themselves and letting them be there. Like I also notice with the mind, it's not about like it's it's always gonna be working. It's working, it's doing its job. But I think when we're so entangled in the mind is when we have the idea of clearing our minds. But anyway, reflection. And I think about also pieces, we're all pieces, like as if we're all mirrors to each other. And in this moment, I'm I'm reflecting light, and then and then it's bouncing off you, and then that light, that conscious awareness is bouncing off your thoughts, and then you're like, Well, this came to me. Is this true for you? And what you're doing as the person giving this podcast is you're considering the people who are listening, and you're like, Oh, I wonder how this is going to land for them. So let me shine light on ways that may ultimately reflect their consciousness. Their consciousness is now reflecting light on their own thoughts, and here we are.

Speaker: 27:07

It's so true. Um I just like love everything you're saying so much, and it's like, like I thought at the beginning, like it does your perspectives, it does like stretch my mind so much to like make me think about things in different ways. And I just um I appreciate that so much. I okay, I wanted to talk a little bit about um, I can't decide if I want to go in the direction of like purpose or energetic alignment next, um, because I'm feeling like both, all everything. Okay, so okay, so then let's say so. For the the for the person who is feeling lost, feeling like they want more in life, they are lacking direction, they're lacking clarity, they feel like they have some greater written something purpose, right? Like, let's let's like talk a little bit about how we actually view purpose, how somebody finds purpose. So, like, okay, what do you see, what do you see purpose as? Like, how do you how do you define purpose?

Speaker 2: 28:12

Yeah, even as you're saying it, right? We're thinking, like, I'm thinking the calling, right? Everyone, this call, there's this something big, it's like this big vision. And when they're in the intimacy of their own heart and mind, they can see it, they can feel it, or maybe not know exactly what it is. It could be vague, could be specific, I don't know. But then they experience their current reality, and it's it can it can feel limiting because we've been operating from the materialist perspective that what is everything that we see here in form is reality. And no, there are underlying energetics, the unseen that are also shaping the current world that we are experiencing as life. When we mistaken ourselves for the form, we lose sight of who we are as creators. And so the discrepancy between where we feel called to go and who we are now is a matter of closing that gap. So, how do we close that gap? We remember who we are as energy, we remember who we are as source consciousness, we remember who we are as conscious awareness, we remember who we are as creators, old things. When you said calling, you have a calling, what do you do? You pick up the phone and you listen. And sometimes nothing, you get nothing. Like sometimes I pick up the phone. Every day, every day I'm committed to living in purpose. What does that mean for me? Is everything in my life is a representation, a reflection, representation and a reflection of who I am. So how I showed up on that call with the insurance broker is the same way I'm gonna show up with a client. It's the same person. I think purpose, I think wholeness, and I think of listening to the call. Pick up the phone. What will you have me do today? Who will you have me speak to? What will you have me say? Sometimes I don't receive a response right away, and I'll pick up the next day. I'm picking up again. And over 10 years, it's compiled into a deep reverence for as I am, as life, as a living, breathing organism, in a sense, like multiple organs working with this reality. And then I take action. I take action on what's deeply meaningful to me, and I build on that. And this is the part where I get to be like, yeah, let's fucking go. Like the action rooted in our purpose is like a bolt of light in a world that has forgotten who we are as creators.

Speaker: 30:32

Okay, so who's on the other phone? Oh, the other end of the phone when the phone rings, who's on the other side?

Speaker 2: 30:37

I think that's up to our interpretation. Okay, right? Is it source? Is it God? Is it Jesus? Is it guardian angels? Is it um intergalactic beings? Um, is it our own mind? Is it who we are on multiple timelines? I think that's our discretion. I think that's what your spirituality is. It's our own set of beliefs and our own imaginings of what that is.

Speaker: 31:02

Um, go ahead. No, please go ahead.

Speaker 2: 31:06

Yeah. I was gonna say for me, it's sometimes my inner guidance system. For me, it's sometimes I've connected, I don't know if people are into this. I don't really mention it often, but it's like I've connected with the Octurians. If you're into that stuff, it's here. I don't really shine light on it because it doesn't, it doesn't matter ultimately. We're here on earth, let's do our thing.

Speaker: 31:28

Um, I have so many questions about that, but I I'm we're gonna do a whole separate subject on that because I feel like I have I literally have like like at least a thousand questions for you. Um which I love I love so much. So okay, so you your it could be your inner guidance system, it could be some sort of higher guidance, like mode out, some sort of higher guidance.

Speaker 2: 31:53

Sure. Yeah, it could be um I I connected with Lilith recently. Um, I've connected with goddess Athena, I've connected with Kalima. So like they'll just come to me and then I'll lean in. Like, for example, I had a dream about the Virgin Mary, so I switched over my phone to that be the screensaver, and I lean in and I just allow myself to connect the dots between what I'm moving through and what their message is for me.

Speaker: 32:19

Wow, that's very cool. I think it is, I think you like the fact that when you are living and rooted in a space of spirituality, you do you get to pick whatever it is that you want. Like there's there's a point in our like past life regression training work um when we well, just like in the regression process where we say a prayer. And um, I've enjoyed the conversations that I've had around this point so much because I always ask everybody, like, who do you want to pray to? It's all it's like it's all this, it's the same. It's different. It can be different if you say it's different. It doesn't have to be, but like you can pray to whoever the fuck you want to pray to. Like you, you know, you can pray to your higher guides, you can pray to source energy, to Jesus, to God, to like literally whoever you want. And it all, as long as it connects with who you are, like that's at the end of the day, that's what it's all about. So, okay, so purpose is I see it similarly. I see it, I was as you were saying that, I was feeling like myself, like my deepest self on the other side of that phone call. You know, it's like, how do you get to how do you get to that like core part of you? And maybe you see it as it just being your core self, the deepest parts of you. Maybe it is your your connection to like collective consciousness or universal source energy, something like that, right? That's like, but that's where purpose lives, right? It's like you can't, I I believe so. Like, I believe that you have to find that part of you in order to take the next step that makes you feel alive. It does it can be like um it can be something that is like a path that you feel like you're following, but at the end of the day, it's like that part of you that's driving the path. You know, like you can't, you're not looking for something outside of you. You're not searching externally for purpose. You're going like inward to find it. Would you say, would you agree with that? Or it tell me if you if you think differently.

Speaker 2: 34:41

No, I totally totally um I'm on board. And I just I I just felt called to tie it back to the light versus dark or light and dark, if we're we're gonna understand them as union with oneself, and also uh tie it back to I know embracing our shadows, and there was another piece.

Speaker 1: 35:06

Oh, I lost it. Damn. I guess I'll just lean into the darkness.

Speaker 2: 35:18

I found in deconditioning myself, rewriting the script of our humanity through my own individual sovereignty, is being willing to face my shadows. That I cannot follow my purpose if I'm not willing to see what stands in the way of my autonomy, what stands in the way of my truth, what stands in the way of my unique calling and my unique contribution. So I am willing to be in the intimacy of fear. And I think this shows up differently for each one of us. I am that person like that's like, let's go deep. It's been hard for me to make surface level relationships because I can't stay at the surface. I've never been, I'm not wired for that. And so I've uh suffered from the deep-rooted belief of shame that I'm inherently I'm inherently wrong. And I've continued to unpack or continue to untangle myself from its tentacles around my throat specifically, not being able to share my truth. And so shame is a belief. What is my relationship with the belief? How am I willing to notice my behaviors, my thought patterns that are seamlessly energized by this belief that's not mine to hold and that will continue to prevent me from showing up in a way that's authentic to who I am and what I came here to do. And so when I think purpose, I think about our intimacy within the darkness, our willingness to look at the ways the system and the guidelines and rules that weren't built for us keeps us held hostage by understanding who we are. And ultimately, at the end, every time I get intimate with darkness and I notice it and I feel it and I'm emerged in it, I realize, oh, it's nothing. At the end, it's it's it's it becomes I become disillusioned from it. It becomes like my friend, like making friends your demons, or have tea with your demons. I think the Buddhists say that. Oh, I was holding on to something that wasn't even necessarily real. But guess what? My fears turning in the direction of my fears are what allowed me to finally see myself. So they're working simultaneously. Yeah.

Speaker: 37:44

Oh my gosh, it's so true. And and you bring this back to like the whole like mind, body, soul approach, like the body, the nervous system is built to protect us. And so we're wired when we feel that fear rising up within us, we're wired to be like, I can't look at that. That's unsafe. I gotta go in the other direction. And so we instinctively just like go in the other direction without giving it another thought. And it's almost like having to create those like neuropathways that say, I'm not turning away from the fear. Because I think the hardest part for me at least in my journey has been teaching myself to like teaching myself to to turn into it, you know, to turn towards the fear and to like, yeah, and then and then you do like that. Once you make the choice to turn towards the fear, the rest of it is liberating. It's um, it does, it de-energizes the any of those negative like patterns that are shaping you and guiding you that you don't realize you have a choice over.

Speaker 2: 38:48

Yeah, and it's almost like a form of a call. Like it's calling me. Turn over, listen. What does this shadow, this darkness, have to say? Listen, observe. We are all finding our way home. Every human on this planet is finding their way home. And how do we find our way home is is is leaning the F in and not being afraid to face our own demons. It's it's where we find ourselves. And it's the micro moments, right? It's the micro moments where I don't want to like I didn't like set out to do business and being on a podcast right now. What am I even doing? But this came from a reunion with the parts of myself, actually desiring to build these sort of conversations and build on these sort of conversations. Conversation. I said I said conversation twice. I was saying two different collaborations. I think I was going there.

Speaker: 39:40

I got I got it though. I was like in the zone. I was I got it. Um the the conversations and collaborations, right? Like, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, but it is. I think like the more we're open to having these conversations, I think the more people are like it's part of that like collective healing, collective awakening. Awakening that you know we're talking about, I think is that the more people it's I think a lot of it lives in that choice, in that moment. Like I think that I'm this might sound like bigger than it is, but I feel like individually and collectively, the future depends on how many of us are willing to tune into that moment and turn towards our inner stuff that's causing that tension, that's causing the fear, that's causing the hesitance around like facing our own shadow. When you make a choice in that moment to tune in, you make a choice to heal yourself, but you also are making a commitment to this ripple effect of healing that just emanates outwards. It's how we elevate our consciousness, it's how we begin to heal.

Speaker 2: 40:56

Yes. And especially if you are someone who's heard the call, right? I know I have, I know you have. If you've heard that call, lean the F in to your own shadows. That is I would say if that's the one thing I would leave someone who's feeling the call, lean into your shadows because that dissonance or disconnect that you're experiencing. And the greater the resistance, the greater opportunity you have to lean in and notice what is this here to tell me.

Speaker: 41:30

I think there's so many people, like if that is, if somebody you know listening is experiencing moments like that and starting to tune in more, it's like everyone's journey through it is really different. And finding somebody, maybe it's one of us, maybe it's someone else, like finding somebody to help you through that process is really important. I think you find even if you're just following them on social media, you work with them one-on-one. You take like you find a way to just like access their the information that they're sharing to help you through it. It can um it can get hard, right? At times not to not to scare people off from doing it. But once you get through it, it's like uh you're it's just so liberating. It's like meeting yourself for the first time. Well, I don't know. I mean, like I feel like it was it's just a deep remembering because I believe in I've I believe I've lived many lives, and I believe my soul has you know been on a long journey and it was just like reconnecting with that part of me again and sort of like I see you for the first time, like you've been right here all along, and but now I see you and I feel you.

Speaker 2: 42:49

Remembering, remember, we're all members, we're all parts calling each other home. So whether we find it a community, we find it in the isolation of our own heart, which I hope all of us are finding it in both, right? Because a lot of people like just go within God has isolated you for a reason. No, capitalism isolated you for a reason.

Speaker: 43:09

Let's be arching isolated. Yeah.

Speaker 2: 43:13

So when we I think we find it both internally and through healthy relationships too, as someone like talking about my shame. I need, and I'm a very exposed person. I began crying on this podcast in the beginning. I started talking. I'm an exposed person. I think that's such a beautiful gift, but I think I'm learning how to discern who I shine that light on because some people's mirrors are not clean. So we want to be discernment, discerning in who we partner with, and then we could feel safe with. And so yeah, follow your shadows and and find people who are safe enough to lean to allow you to to lean in. Be helpful.

Speaker: 43:49

Okay, one more question for you because this is like um we're talking about the new year and this just this process. Like, if you're talking about like how can you if you have one tip for somebody to use this time to go inward. I see like this time of year is one of my favorite times of year for reflection, right? If you're talking about like seasonal, like winter solstice is my favorite day of the year. Like that's my like peak holiday, right? Like, but I love the shedding that comes with it, the release, the deep introspection. Um, so I feel like it's appropriately timed, right? What's what would be one tip that you would have for somebody who is maybe starting to hear the call? They're not sure, you know, they're not sure if it's the call. Like, what's for somebody to make that choice? What's a piece of encouragement that you could give them as they tune in?

Speaker 2: 44:54

Hard for me to come up with too many things in my mind. I think the one thing I'll say at this time of year, and I'm but like you, I love, I mean, I love all times, but I was actually planning on like if I could find like a silent, I was supposed to like a temple like I can just go to and like be in silence. But anyway, I usually use this time of year to find some sense of cleaning, cleaning up my consciousness, like uh consolidating or integrating what has come up from this year. Um can I just go a little bit more into this and give some like tips on how to actually practically do that?

Speaker: 45:27

A thousand percent.

unknown: 45:28

Yeah.

Speaker 2: 45:28

Um, but yeah, so this time of year is a matter of cleaning for me, something that look like I have an altar. So like I'll clean that and I'll take out some items that were part of a past channel download and I'll put that aside, you know, stuff like that. Or perhaps I'll look through my the pictures on my phone and just sit with what has come up this year. What are the what are the energetic themes that played out? Maybe write them down on a piece of paper and burn that piece of paper. Um, I think it's a matter of building ritual, and I think that's different for each one of us. But I say that the main thing I would say is clean up shop, integrate what's come up for you and find ways to do that and and allow it like right, it's allowing our creativity to be like, where how do okay? I hear what she's saying. She's saying clean my stuff up. How what does that look like for me? And then just pick up the phone and just continue listening. What is what is the answer to that? And move in that direction.

Speaker: 46:28

Yeah, my gosh, I love that so much. There's so many. I could just keep asking you questions. I think I could have like six different podcast episodes. Like my mind just goes in all of these directions with all the things that are coming up. And I just I love this so much. And so I um for the purposes of this conversation, we'll just tell everyone to tune back into our next coffee chat because I feel like we could just have these like regularly. But um, thank you so so much for being here. I'm gonna include all of your information in the show notes, but if you um like if people want to get in touch with you, what would be the best, like what's your preferred platform or connection method?

Speaker 2: 47:10

I would say Substack. I love Substack. Um my website is shit right now and needs to be redone. Um, I like Instagram. Uh so Instagram or Substack is probably where I like to most connect with with people who are on the same path.

Speaker: 47:25

Perfect. Okay, and it's um at least your Instagram is Mystic Christine, and so is Substack, Mystic Christine.

Speaker 2: 47:34

Yeah.

Speaker: 47:34

I love it. Good. No, so that would they'll be in the show notes, but that way, if anyone's listening and like doesn't feel like looking at the show notes, they now know they can just go to Instagram and find Mystic Christine or Substack and find Mystic Christine. So cool. Okay, thank you, thank you. Um, and we'll talk again soon.